


The Endless Wait

by Michaelssw0rd



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-20 18:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1520564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michaelssw0rd/pseuds/Michaelssw0rd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur dreams of death and destruction, he also dreams of someone waiting, writing to him throughout the centuries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is gonna be a short-ish fic...i think 3 or 4 chapters long! And be warned, there is SO MUCH ANGST!I almost feel like crying just thinking about writing this...But i really wanted to write this because i guess i myself needed some closure... i promise it will have a happy ending..:D
> 
> Do let me know if you like it... or even if you don't like it! I would love to know what you thought of it...:D

First time Arthur woke up from sleep, half out of his mind with clawing , all consuming fear, he was 13 years old! He saw death and destruction, heard clashes of swords and roars of a dragon , he smelled blood in the air and tasted ash on his tongue, and then he felt a sword going through him, sharp and fast, and even after waking up with his breath caught in his chest and a scream in his throat, he could swear he could still feel the wound that was supposed to be fatal but wasn't, because he was still alive.

The nightmares didn't stop after that. The time when his friends dreamt of long slender legs, and heavy bosoms, of skimpy skirts and deep necked shirts showing cleavage, the time when all his age mates seem to talk about was girls and sex, was the time when Arthur started dreaming of blood. He saw himself, but much much older, wielding a blade and fighting off enemies, some human, some not; saw himself wearing chain mail and holding a shield, heard screams of men and women and children, heard his own voice commanding armies, and saw red! Red of blood and red of fire and red of the knights under his command.

He dreamt of his father, Uther, tall and graceful, sitting on a throne and people kneeling in front of him; he dreamt of his sister, Morgana, sometimes being the regal princess she acts like in life too, and sometimes looking demented and haunted, and not like his morgana at all. He saw Gwaine, with his bangs and his charm,Lance with his kind smile, but they starred as knights in his dreams, and he didn't understand why he still woke up crying from those dreams, until he saw them all die, slow and painful.

And he also dreamt of this one face, a face he was sure he had never seen before in his life, but was still so familiar that it felt like he had known him for centuries, a voice that seemed like the best friend he had, and a cheeky grin that was the only relief from all these nightmares. It was when he dreamt of this young man, Merlin, that he slept almost peacefully, waking up with a smile on his face.

When his father caught him sitting in a corner of his room, shivering, too scared to go to sleep again because nightmares would return, he called a whole team of psychiatrists and psychologists. They all analysed him and made him retell everything,broke it down into piece and,and decided that he needed a therapist and it was just a teenage phase, because what child didn't dream of his father as a king and his sibling as an evil sorcerer.

What Arthur could never make them understand was ,these didn't feel like couldn't be just dreams because sometimes even when he was awake, he could feel the weight of a sword in his arm, or the adrenaline of a fight. He could swear he still sometimes felt an arm around his shoulder, could hear a voice saying "prat! You're a prat sire!" . Dreams didn't explain why he still felt the weight of an entire kingdom on his shoulders sometimes, why he knew people he had never seen before, how when Percival's family shifted to the house next door, he didn't need to be told his name.

No, they couldn't be just dreams,they were more than were things that once were, or things that will come to be.

But he did realize with time that telling that to his therapists didn't work, and after his father sacked the 3rd one in that many years, he figured out lying by omission was in his best interest.

He took up sword-fight training ,horse riding and fencing as a way to connect with his past. Lance and Gwaine followed him but always mocked him for his untiring dedication to being perfect at it! Once he trained so hard that he pulled a back muscle and was recommended bed rest for a couple of weeks, and when Gwaine found him on a the training field the next day, sweating and delusional yet wielding the sword like it was an extension of his arm, going through the moves like it was his second nature, he had to forcibly drag him back to his house!

"Stop being a princess Arthur, you would be no good to us dead!" Gwaine was saying, but he could hear a voice but older than that and much much more grave even with the hint of teasing behind it.

"Arthur, please take care of yourself, we are all counting on you" Lancelot was saying, his always kind and self sacrificing knight, the one who dies because he was too loyal.

Arthur knew he was mumbling nonsense but he couldn't seem to stop, he was feverish and past and present were mixing in together, and even though he was sure this would land him in trouble,he couldn't help crying and laughing at the same time because Gwaine and Lance were dead, but they were also so very very alive.

The dreams/nightmares/memories whatever you want to call them, eased up a bit by the time he started high school; he assumed that was because he had figured out almost all the pieces of the puzzle that was his life centuries ago and he had made peace with the fact that he would have to live with past and present bleeding into each other. Like that time in junior year , when he sat next to a dark skinned pretty girl and called her Guinevere before she even introduced herself. Later when he saw her falling fast and hard for Lancelot, and realized that was how it was meant to be and didn't feel more than a twinge of regret at a love lost. Gwen was his in another lifetime, but she did always belong more with Lance. Like the fact that he was still terrified of raised eyebrow of Gaius'(his biology teacher),or like when he met a new freshman, when he was in senior year, and his mind whispered "Mordred" and he froze in panic and dread, and dreamt of his death for the next entire week.

Life was as normal as it could be when you were a reincarnation of a Medieval Prince, and he had accepted the fact that he would always know the body count of old medieval battles, and the cultures of that time, better than text books ever could say, until a couple of weeks after his graduation ceremony, everything changed.

* * *

_He was sitting in a garden, near a lake. The place was vaguely familiar and had a surreal feeling to it, like he had spent decades here and at the same time had never been here in his life. He felt calm , like time had slowed down , and he was sitting with his back to a tree, listless, waiting for something but not knew it was going to be a long wait._

_Suddenly he noticed something swimming on the surface of the lake near him. stretching out to pick it, Arthur realized it was a scroll of paper, not even slightly soggy or wrinkled even though its been on the surface of the water since heaven knows when._

_Unrolling it, he began to read, the writing achingly familiar,_

_"Everyone we have ever known is dead. Leon is dead. Percival is dead. Gwen is dead. Gaius is dead. That little girl that used to sing while carrying water home is dead as well. The young boy who used to look at you practicing, vowing he would become a knight one day died too. Nobody that you and i saw together, is alive anymore... but i live on! So i ran away from civilization ( i know what you're gonna say to that! You have always been scared of silly things, like being alone Merlin, why did you think it was a good idea), but i couldn't see people dying anymore. And when the silence drove me crazy, i decided to do what crazy people do. Write a letter to someone who would never ever read it because he is DEAD AS WELL! Why did you have to die Arthur, why? "_

* * *

"No!"

Arthur sat up straight in his bed, his eyes wet, his heart beating like mad, shivering. This, he was sure, was a memory too... not a dream.

The next day he packed his bag, told his father and friends he is going out of the country for a year to figure himself out, find himself, and went on a journey away from everything and everyone he knew, because he understood that this first letter was just the beginning , there are gonna be centuries worth of letters to read and he didn't fancy living through them with sedatives and antipsychotic medications and the world telling him he had gone insane.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin keeps writing, and Arthur keeps dreaming...

" _Its early in the morning, sun is rising just now. I think its a Sunday, the only day you wouldn't wake up at the crack of dawn to practice something that was your second nature. All the whooshing of the sword and you moving smooth and suave and so deliciously hot! I have always been half convinced that it was only to impress the ladies that were sure to be ogling you while collecting water._

_It looks like it would be a warm beautiful day, and the only thing i can think of doing right now, the thing i want more than anything i have ever wanted in my life, is to sneak into your room and open the curtains and watch you squirm as sunlight falls on your face, until you wake up with your bed hair and your scrunched-up disgruntled face. I never got to tell you, but you are adorable when you are all grumpy and sleepy and throwing things at my head and calling me the worst servant in the history of the world..._

_Oh there i go again… using present tense for you ,sorry, i am still not used to you being dead…that's me, forgetful dumb idiot, YOUR forgetful dumb idiot"_

* * *

Arthur wakes up slowly, not even slightest bit surprised to find his eyes wet and his pillow soaked. In the past week it had become kind of a routine. A week, has it really been that little a time? To him it felt like a couple of decades have passed, decades of waiting, punctuated only by letters from Merlin.

He got up from bed to make tea, before he gets dragged into another dream or a vision. Feeling exhausted and drained he decided to get something to eat as well. He had barely eaten anything in the last couple of days, pulled again and again into memories of sitting along the banks of Avalon, watching lifetimes go by.

After tea and halfway through his sandwich, he blacked out for a moment…

" _Psst...Arthur! Arthur! I am eating rat stew right now! Remember rat stew? It still tastes as gross as it did before"_

Another ridiculous memory, another ridiculous letter. Arthur threw his head back and laughed; laughed until the chuckles turned into sobs and he choked up. It was just food down the wrong pipe. Nothing else.

* * *

The dreams kept coming… the lake of Avalon never changed, neither did the trees, nor the sky, but each letter was different, each leaving a different kind of pain.

" _Chased away a deer before a hunter could make a kill shot today! Reminds me of how you killed a unicorn once! Only you will be enough of an asshat to kill a unicorn, Arthur Pratdragon! Thats what you should've been called, i think someone made an error in naming you."_

" _I dreamt of your death again today. Youre dead! I still can't believe it even though you died in my arms! I let you down, i am sorry. I was supposed to protect you, i am sorry. It's my fault. I am so so sorry"_

" _I remember the day i first met you! You were such an ass. Oh i hated you! I hated you so much. And when Kilgharrah told me it was my destiny to protect you, I scoffed, because the idea seemed so absurd. Me? Protect a prat like you...Never!"_

" _I am sorry i couldn't protect you...i am sorry i failed. I failed. I failed. I failed. And my punishment is to live on without you."_

* * *

Merlin kept writing, and Arthur kept dreaming. He wrote about everything, from description of what grass felt like under his feet to the changing world, to the battles ensuing. He wrote of the new blooms, or of chill of winters, he wrote of changing color of the sky and of smoke in the air.

He also wrote of witch hunts! Those were the days when Arthur refused to sleep because he was terrified of not dreaming. What if Merlin was caught, and burned alive, screaming while his flesh were the nights Arthur prayed, knowing its pointless because all of this had happened centuries ago, but it was happening to him now, right now, at this minute, and he could not stop it. So he prayed, and stayed up till his eyelids drooped, and was always always relieved to find another letter from Merlin, sometimes distraught with the memories of the screams of his brothers and sisters and the smell of their burning flesh,and sometimes so carefree that Arthur wanted to smack him on the head and tell him he had always been a shitty liar and either he should get better at it, or stop making a fool of himself.

He also really really wanted to hug him.

* * *

Another day, another fragment of time unending, and the message went,

" _I went to a new village today, to get some clothes because the ones i was wearing are so ragged and flimsy now that i fear i would make a maiden cover her eyes and run away in fear and shame if she clapped eyes on me. I met a boy. Blond, arrogant, with blue eyes; So much like yours but still so different. Yours are like an ocean during a storm, his were like the sky on a clear day. I liked him."_

A few days later,another letter from Merlin goes,

" _I went back to the village. I had to see that boy again. I needed to! I went to a pub with him, drank ale, until the color of his eyes blurred enough to be mistaken as yours. He ran his fingers through my hair, and on my lips, told me i was beautiful (I think he was a little bit sloshed too). Nobody has ever told me i am beautiful , so when he bent forward , slotting our lips together was so very easy. I have never kissed a boy before you know. I had always wondered what your lips would feel like, you have such soft looking lips, but i have a feeling that they must feel very different than a girl's. His did."_

* * *

This time when Arthur woke up, it wasn't slow or peaceful, but angry,hurt and with something twisting in his gut, making him feel nauseous. He barely had enough presence of mind to head to the toilet until he started retching like mad and puked his guts out. Pushing himself off the floor he knew what he had to do, he needed to drink! He had a feeling he can't be sober for the next letters.

* * *

" _Its been a couple of days, i didn't write because i didn't know what to write. I chickened out that night when he asked me whether i wanted to go to his place, but i can't seem to forget what his lips felt like. How they might be similar to yours! I can't have you, i could never have had you. You were the beloved prince, the anticipated King, and i was your was never my place to want anything more than friendship. But want i did! I have never been the one to listen to reason afterall. I can't stop thinking this is all i might ever get. Not you, a shadow of you, but its better than nothing at all "_

" _I went back there today, we went to a pub again, and this time i was the one who kissed him, and when he asked me to go back to his place, i didn't say no. It was your hands i imagined in my hair as i sucked him off, it was your fingers that breached me, you are the one who took me, and it was your name i screamed when i fell of that edge. But he wasn't you. Nobody can ever be you."_

"  _I moved away from the village, from all village. I have a constant itch under my skin, like i am soiled, dirty. No amount of washing helps, because i have scrubbed myself until i bled. I don't want to be seen by anyone for a while, and i am too ashamed to write to you anymore as well."_

* * *

There were no more dreams, no more messages from Merlin for a while. The first night Arthur slept and didn't wake up prematurely, he expected to feel relieved. He didn't. Because while he did not dream of time long past and things that happened,he dreamt of a faceless man, with his arms around Merlin,his Merlin! With his lips on Merlin's skin, and his hands in his hair,and he burned :burned with envy and desire and all consuming sided conversations with Merlin were a far better way to spend the night then this.

The second dreamless night amazed Arthur and after the 3rd Arthur began to worry. What if something had happened to Merlin, what if he was dead. He had estimated that every day for Arthur had been equivalent of at least a couple of years for Merlin, and for him to not write in this long a time… He dared not think of what it could mean.

Arthur figured he would go mad if he stayed in the hotel with this unbearable silence surrounding him, so he started sightseeing. He was in currently staying in a small village in Italy, so he boarded the next train to Florence, and then to Venice and in the end Rome. Everywhere he went he could feel his constant companion by his side, making snide comments about statues, ( _That...cannot be comfortable. Human back is not supposed to bend that much?_ ) , or (  _I accept that a person's manhood is a sign of virility but did they have to display them so openly?_ ) and on one memorable occasion Arthur could swear he heard distinct spluttering and a ( _THAT IS A FIG LEAF INSTEAD OF A CROTCH! A FIG LEAF!_ ). It felt like Arthur's subconscious had a voice,Merlin's voice, one Arthur's conscious could have really normal conversations with.

"Can my Lord guess whether that is a painting of a man or a woman?"

"I always knew you were unobservant but come one, you have eyes too...Its definitely a woman, look at her boobs for gods sake"

"But sire, look at it's crotch!"

And there indeed, was the proof of manhood of the generously endowed woman/man! When Arthur burst out laughing, he could distinctly hear his subconscious laughing too.

And because of this, Arthur didn't realize how much he missed real Merlin, the Merlin who wasn't his subconscious or a figment of his imagination, but real Merlin, who was waiting for Arthur, writing to him, until he was standing in front of Colosseum one day,blacked out for a moment and was back on the banks of the lake reading a letter saying…

" _I miss you…i miss you so goddamn much"_

If people made fun of him for having tears in his eyes and smile on his lips during the tour, well then, he couldn't say he minded that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The angst is killing me! I am so sorry! Also, if you read it and like it, or if it breaks your heart a little bit, do leave reviews. I will love you forever!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SUICIDE ATTEMPTS.

 

The messages kept coming, they didn’t have the same regularity or intensity as before, arthur assumed it was because either Merlin was tired of having one sided conversation, or because he was out of new things to say. But they kept coming. Sometimes he will not be able to have a peaceful night’s sleep even once in a week, but sometimes he would hardly get a single dream in days . The content of the message varied too, sometimes it was so ridiculous that against all reason it cheered him up, for example once he wrote

 

_“So i fell from a tree today, and before you ask why i was on a tree, i was sleeping there! I might also have accidentally taken down a birds nest with me .The mama bird is not happy with me.”_

 

And the idea of him sleeping on a branch was so Merlin, that Arthur couldn’t help the fond smile he carried the entire day.

But on the other hand, sometimes the messages made him want to take a sword and run it through his heart because he was certain that would hurt less. Merlin’s words still haunted him sometimes during the dreamless days when he had said,

 

_“I stubbed my toe on a stone today, its bleeding. If you were here you would call me a clumsy idiot and bandage it for me because i can’t even be trusted with such a basic task, won’t you? Call me a clumsy idiot Arthur.Please.I need to hear it.Why don’t you? Arthur! Please?”_

__  
  


God! How he wanted to. How desperately he wanted to call out and tell Merlin that he’s here. He’s alive. He’s waiting! How he ached with the need to reassure Merlin that he had not failed him, that Arthur had not abandoned him, that Arthur loved him. And sometimes he just wished he could ask Merlin to stop; stop sending these god damned letters that kept tearing his heart and his sanity to shreds with every word.

But he could not do any of those things, so he just waited. Like he had done for hundreds of years in heaven, or wherever it was. Like Merlin had done all those years on earth, and told himself it would be over soon. It had to be. Meanwhile he kept going across the world and sending postcards home, just to let everyone know he was still alive.

 

* * *

 

_“You know people use guns nowadays, guns! One never even has to get close to an enemy during a fight! How is that even fighting anymore, it’s just point and press a button. If you were here i am sure you would severely disapprove.”_

_“I sometimes think of of your hair you know? They were blond! You know they say a thing about blondes nowadays.That they are dumb. I think somebody passed on the information from your time Arthur, why else would they come to such accurate conclusions.”_

_“I wonder if you are ordering the angels about in heaven as well. I can’t imagine a lazy royal arse like you ever making food for yourself, or doing laundry. I pity the angels. Why can’t they hurry up and kick your ass back down and let me worry about it!”_

_“Why is the world being so slow in needing you again. Sometimes i think of destroying half the world just so that heavens can finally decide its time for you to come back. You know i can. I am the most powerful sorcerer to walk to earth after all. Only not powerful enough to bring you back”_

_“Come back Arthur, please come back.”_

* * *

 

Arthur was a wreck. He had lost weight, none of his clothes fit him anymore; there were dark circles around his eyes, his skin was dry and cracked, and his hair had lost all its lustre. Where once everyone who looked at him told him that he was gorgeous, he was fairly certain now he looked like a homeless demented person.

He thought nothing could get worse than this , but then Merlin’s messages started sounding more and more desperate.Like he couldn’t face the world alone anymore, like one sided conversation just wasn’t enough anymore.

 

_“Are you even there Arthur. I have been writing to you for centuries, are you even listening?”_

 

“YES , YES! I AM LISTENING MERLIN, I AM HERE…” Arthur wanted to shout! And then he did. He screamed the words to the skies till he grew hoarse.

A few nights later he found a parchment, which for the first time since he had started dreaming of those, wasn't dry and crisp, but soaked with blotches of water. Tears, his mind told him, these were Merlin’s tears..

 

_“Please Arthur, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go on with life not knowing when you will come back, or if you ever will. I just need to know you are  there, like me, waiting . I need to know i am not alone. I am begging you, please!”_

 

When Arthur woke up , he started writing. He wrote of how much he missed Merlin; how he ached with the desire to see him,hear him; how Merlin was the closest friend he had ever had, how he wished he could do it all over again because Merlin wasn’t just his friend, but more...much much more. How he had always thought Merlin’s eyes were the most beautiful  shade of blue and his cheekbones were gorgeous and his smile the most mesmerizing thing in the world, but he dared not say anything; how he wish he had said something then. How desperately he wanted to tell him those things now, whisper them against Merlin’s skin until he believes them.

Arthur wrote till his hand started cramping, and then wrote some more, till the daylight faded and darkness crept in. He kept writing and his tears kept soaking through the pages , until he collapsed from exhaustion.

But Arthur was no magician. There were dozens of pages strewn across his desk, but nowhere to send them to, and even if he had, his treacherous brain told him, that Merlin had needed him a long long time ago. This was too little too late.

It didn’t stop him from taking the letters to the nearest lake and just putting them in the water. It was useless, but it made him feel fractionally better.

 

* * *

 

He was out buying groceries when the next couple of letters came,

 

_“I have been trying Arthur. Its difficult, watching everything you were, just fading away, everyone you come to know dying, and you still living on. Even my hair don’t grow white, my face haven’t changed. I am like a fragment of past, stuck in the whirlwind of time. I am losing, i can’t do this anymore Arthur. I can’t live like this anymore”_

_“You know how much I wish i was the one that died instead of you? How much i still wish for death. How difficult it is to resist the temptation of jumping off a cliff, or shooting myself with those easy to use guns. Its becoming more and more difficult to resist them. I don’t know why i keep fighting it anyway, other than the thought of disappointing you when you finally get your ass down here and finding out that i am dead.”_

_“I am sorry Arthur…”_

__  
  


Arthur was in the middle of picking strawberries, when his legs gave out and his heart stopped, and darkness descended. Complete blessed darkness.

 

* * *

 

“Arthur, Arthur... wake up.”

Opening his eyes to the bright white walls, and whirring of machines, Arthur realized that he was in a hospital. He also realized there was someone holding his hand.

“Gwaine? What are you doing here?”

“You put my name under your emergency contacts you dick! Do you have any idea how much you scared me??” It was indeed Gwaine.

“Sorry, i just didn’t want anyone to call father in case of emergency. You know how he is”

“Yeah, I know” Gwaine sighed. “What happened Arthur, you look like a monster ate you and then spit you out.”

Arthur laughed, it sounded hollow to his own ears too , and then he looked at Gwaine, saw the concern in his eyes, and couldn’t stop his eyes from welling up.

“I am a mess Gwaine, and i don’t know what to do” he choked out.

He then told Gwaine everything, from the dreams of his past to the letters to Merlin’s latest messages. All the time Gwaine kept holding his hand, squeezing it whenever it became too difficult for Arthur to go on. When he was done, it felt like he had no energy left, and he closed his eyes in exhaustion, and whispered…

“I know you probably think i am crazy, or i am hallucinating, but i can promise you… its all true”

“I know princess, i believe you”

“You do” Arthur’s eyes flew open, “Why?”

“Lets just say i have been having some weird dreams of my own lately, dreams that don’t seem like dreams...and your story fills up all of the missing pieces of the puzzle. We both can’t be hallucinating the same thing now, can we?”

“Oh”

“Yeah! So what are you gonna do Arthur?”

“I am gonna wait. What else can i do, and i swear to God if Merlin is dead, i will kill him myself!”

“I remember Merlin” Gwaine chuckled, “He isn’t the one to give up on stuff. He will be alright.”

“Yeah… he better be”

Exhausted, Arthur closed his eyes. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep. No dreams disturbed him.

 

* * *

 

A week passed, and then a month! And no news from Merlin. Arthur refused to believe that Merlin was dead. Instead he kept writing stuff like “Don’t be dead!”, “I would hate you if i found out you offed yourself after making me wait this long” ,“Don't you dare die on me you bastard!”... And sometimes he would just whisper, in the darkness of the night, before falling asleep, when he knew no one would listen, “Please don’t be dead Merlin, I am waiting”

It was his birthday, so he stayed up late in the bar, gulping down drink after drink and was well on his way to be completely pissed. He looked around the bar and considered flirting with someone, taking them to his hotel and drowning his misery in something other than alcohol. He wasn’t a virgin by any means, he had had his fair share of experimentation during high school. Gwaine often told him that the only reason Gwaine had had more booty than him was because Gwaine swung both ways while Arthur was allergic to boobs. But ever since he had started hearing from Merlin, he couldn’t imagine looking at anyone else. He couldn’t forget how he felt when Merlin told him about that man with blue eyes in that bar, how sick it had made him. But right now, he could do with some unwinding.

He spotted a guy on the other side of the counter, lean and tall, with brown tousled hair. They were lighter than Merlin’s were, but in the dim light, it would be hard to tell the difference. Arthur was just gathering the resolve to make his move when suddenly he found himself on banks of Lake Avalon again.

There was a parchment on the surface of the water.

With trembling fingers, he reached out and unrolled it…

 

“ _I hate you Pendragon, I fucking hate you!”_

 

He started laughing! Perfect cockblocking timing: something Merlin had always excelled at!Oh Thank God! Thank God!

Finishing his drink , he rushed back to his motel, eager to sleep, and listen to what Merlin had to say!

 

* * *

 

_“I tried you know! I TRIED! I jumped off the cliff, and woke up on the side of a shore a couple of weeks later.I slit my wrists, died of blood loss i think, but woke up with bandages around the minor cuts on my wrists. I stood in front of a train but it screeched to halt before it hit me. I tried to shoot myself in the head and woke up in a hospital with a minor concussion! A CONCUSSION! I HAD SHOT MYSELF!_   
_I HATE MAGIC! AND I HATE YOU! Why the fuck can’t i even die without you, you fucking cocksucker assface dickhead!”_

_“I couldn’t die! It was my destiny to live to protect you, I failed in protecting you but i guess destiny is punishing me by not letting me weasel my way out of living to see and protect you again! Figures destiny would be on your side too. You were always everyone’s favourite. So while you get to sleep and be reborn when the time is right ,all well rested, us mere immortal beings have to live through civilizations building and crumbling just waiting for your privileged ass to finish their beauty nap”_

_“Why couldn’t we both die and be reborn again! WHY NOT?? THATS A MORE LOGICAL SOLUTION ISN'T IT? DESTINY IS STUPID! I BET ITS BLONDE”_

_“I hate you so much you know! I don’t love you even half as much as i hate you”_

_“I am glad i didn’t die, because it means i will see you again!”_

__

* * *

 

Merlin whined for days, (which Arthur supposed was a lot more on his end but Merlin had always been persistent when he was complaining about something), and Arthur had never been happier in his life than he was to sleep fitfully and listen to Merlin rage about how fate and destiny did favouritism and it was probably Arthur’s perfect lips and face that made him get preferential treatment and how destiny must be a woman, or a very very gay man!

After that life continued as normal as it had been for almost the entire last year. His father started calling insistently, asking him to come back, because college admissions were due soon, and he can’t be this fickle and waste more time. He was a Pendragon, he should show more responsible a behaviour than that.

Arthur knew it was time to head back home, but he was waiting for something. He didn’t know what, but he was sure it was close. One day he woke up grinning…

Merlin had said last night… _“Its time Arthur, its time for you to come. The world needs you now, I can feel it in the air i breathe. Soon, we will be breathing in same oxygen Arthur. Soon, you will be here.”_

He packed his bags and booked a ticket back home. It was time to become something Merlin can be proud of when he finally found him.  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst finished..:D Next chapter would be much less angst, much more reward for bearing with me through this painful narrative... Its been very difficult to write!.. Do tell me what you thought of it..:D


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they meet?!

Twenty-three, and feeling a lot older for his age, Arthur sat on the bar counter, watching his friends make an absolute fool of themselves. Gwaine was already on his way to being absolutely drunk and dancing on the dance floor, gyrating his hips in a way he no doubt thought was sexy, but with his poor co-ordination while sloshed, looked downright ridiculous. Lance was a cheesy drunk, who was by now proclaiming his undying love to Gwen, who was giggling like a schoolgirl; Arthur was pretty sure neither of them will remember it in the morning.

This was their graduation party.

Its been 4 years, since he came back from his so called quest-to-find-himself. 4 years since Merlin had said it was time… 4 years that him and Merlin had lived together in the same world, breathed same air, looked at the same moon and the sun!

During that time, Merlin wrote to him almost regularly, except rather than reading the letters sitting under a tree in Avalon, Arthur read them in his bedroom, or college, or wherever he is when the letters are written. Its as natural as breathing, Arthur always felt like he was being called,felt a gentle pull,closed his eyes for a moment, and read a letter as if it was in his hand. Many a times his friends had caught him sitting on a table, smiling at nothing, and made fun of him till he flushed and had to excuse himself. They told him he was in love… the thing was,it was kinda true!

Gwaine choose that moment to come to him wobbling, stinking of sweat and beer.

“Come on Arthur, dance with us!”

“No thankyou, i would rather not get trampled down there”

“What is it that you’re drinking!” Gwaine snatched Arthur’s drink,took a sip, and spluttered. “Is that apple juice! That's preposterous! You can’t drink that!”

“Well i can’t now!”

“Come on Arthur, have some fun! Look there” Gwaine points towards the other side of a counter where a young, fairly good looking man was sitting. “He has been eyeing you for the better part of an hour!” Gwaine told him in a mock whisper

  
Arthur turned back to look at him,the man raised his glass and smiled. He was tall and lean, with ginger hair… And that was as good a turn off for him as anything.

“Not my type Gwaine” Arthur said, turning away.

“Nobody is your type princess! What happened to the playboy we knew and loved? If i am not wrong you haven’t gotten laid in the last 4 years! Come on!”

“I am waiting…” a smiled crept on his face!

“Yeah? Waiting for whom?”

 

_“I am waiting Arthur, I am waiting for you” Merlin had said two days ago, when Arthur was in middle of lunch._

 

“Princess! Stop going into your fantasy land! Waiting for whom?” Gwaine snapped his fingers in front of him.

“Someone special…” Arthur said fondly, and ignoring the weird looks he got in return, he paid his bill and got up to go home.

 

* * *

 

Arthur didn’t know what destiny has planned for him, but he had taken up administrative studies in university, so it was only natural to join his father’s company after graduation. He figured whatever destiny wanted him to be, if it was important, Merlin would’ve told him.

Waiting for Merlin to find him was excruciating, but at the same time it was weirdly exciting as well. Arthur couldn’t stop staring at every person while walking to his office, on the tube, in a park, at restaurants… looking for the familiar mop of dark hair (even though he had not seen them before in his life) , for the thin bony figure he was sure he could recognize from a mile away, and for those eyes, those distinct blue eyes. Sometimes he thought he would go mad with the anticipation of finding Merlin; in a crowd of hundreds and thousands of ordinary people,finally finding the sorcerer that waited for him for ages.

He thought of Merlin all the time.Couldn’t really help it. Merlin had decided to adapt himself to the new century when he realized that Arthur had been born at long last. Arthur chuckled while opening the door to his car, remembering Merlin’s reaction to the modern means of transport when he first travelled in a bus…

 

_“I am riding in a tiny box of metal! A TINY METAL BOX WITH WHEELS AND GOING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT! I might not survive this journey Arthur, and if that’s so...this is goodbye!”_

 

And later when Merlin passed his driving test…

 

_“I am the most powerful wizard to be born in this world, and i have never felt as powerful and as out of control as i do when driving this piece of metal.”_

 

The idiot! _My idiot_ … Arthur thought on the way to his office.

Arthur knew Merlin worked at some library in London ; the fact that he was in the same city as him still sent a shiver of anticipation down his back! Merlin loved books, he always had, and after getting the job he couldn’t stop talking about them for weeks!

 

_“So many books Arthur, and i can read them for no cost at all. I am getting paid for sitting in a cozy chair and reading stories of civilizations, of love and of war, of little animals and of magic! My favourite thing to do is reading history books and spotting the mistakes and the lies. If spot-the-wrong-fact was a drinking game i would be drunk on the first chapter!”_

 

“Of course you would be drunk on the first chapter”, Arthur thought, shaking his head fond exasperation, “You never could hold your liquor.”

 

Merlin had opinions on everything and he liked to keep Arthur informed about them! From the way ice-cream tasted, _“too sickly sweet, but i like it!”_ , to how ridiculous modern music was, _"It gives me a headache! Its so loud!"_ . He hated things with a passion, _"I absolutely hate ties! I want to find the person who invented them and strangle him with it, and then strangle his entire family! These things are an abomination."_ And loved things with just as much dedication, _"I have finally found something i love more than you! Coffee! Heaven on earth. "_

 

And because of that, even though Arthur had not had a relationship for years and only had a handful of friends, he never felt alone -no matter how much of a loner Morgana taunted him to be. He just had someone unorthodox, didn't mean he was lonely.

After having an uneventful but exhausting day at work, Arthur drove back to gym. No matter how much he craved to just collapse into the bed, he remembered Merlin saying a couple of months back,

 

_"I bought a blue shirt and a jeans today. I look kind of good in them...i think?..or at least i hope. Now that i know i am gonna meet you soon, i can't stop thinking about how ridiculous i look. You have always been so gorgeous, i can't help thinking you won't want me!"_

 

That night Arthur had stood in front of a mirror. He had always been called handsome, and had always thought of himself as a fairly good looking person, but now all he saw were flaws! His teeth were crooked and his muscles too soft and there was that little bit of flabby extra flesh on his belly. This wasn't the Arthur Merlin remembered. The Arthur Merlin knew used to practice sword fighting for hours everyday, he won all jousting challenges, he was fit and built. Arthur had never before felt self conscious, until that night. Since then he had made it a point to hit the gym everyday!

At night, Arthur laid down on bed, tired but feeling accomplished... feeling good, and hopeful. Staring at the ceiling he whispered , willing Merlin to hear it... to hear him.

"Come on Merlin, come home. Come home to me."

 

* * *

 

Arthur was waiting in line at a little cafe for his usual morning coffee. He had never been a coffee fan until Merlin had confessed to liking coffee more than he liked him. In jealousy,he had started trying it, and then fell in love with it much to his chagrin. He was late for work and that made him unusually impatient and irritable.

Paying for his coffee he turned quickly, taking out his cellphone to text Leon that he will he there in ten minutes, and crashed into the person standing in front, spilling hot coffee all over them.

“Would you watch where you’re going!” Said a disgruntled voice.

“Why don’t you watch where you’re going, blind idiot!” Late, impatient. unusually asshole-ish, remember?

“You ruined my clothes you arse, i am gonna be late for work!”

“What about my suit ,you dolt! Do you know how much it even costs!” Arthur was still cleaning his suit with a tissue-paper and didn’t even look up to see who he was talking to.

“You… you are such a privileged pretentious prat!”

Something about the way the person had said prat, made him look up! Arthur’s breath caught in his throat at the sight that greeted him.There stood Merlin. He really hadn’t changed all that much since Arthur saw him last. He still had those same strikingly blue eyes, even though they looked much older and wiser, and were currently looking furious with rightful anger. His hair were in the familiar disarray, his lips the same pink and soft looking, except rather than a smile, they were currently pulled down in an extremely displeased expression.

"That's right! You're a Prat! A prat a prat a prat! I can say it as many times as you want .You can keep staring at me in shock and indignation but its not gonna change what i called you!"

With that Merlin huffed out an angry breath, turned around, and stomped out of the cafe while Arthur was still rooted on spot!

Merlin had not recognized him. Was it because Arthur had changed so much, or because everything he had seen till now was a delusion after all? Was Arthur going mad? Or maybe Merlin was being his usual dense self and will realize his mistake later.

Arthur opened his phone, called Leon and told him he is taking a day off, ordered another coffee and sat down in the corner of the cafe. He was on his 2nd cup an hour later when he felt the familiar pull of Merlin writing to him, so he closed his eyes and began to read,

 

_"I am so angry right now! I got coffee spilled on me by an absolute prick today! It ruined my clothes and burnt me , but the git didn't even have the decency to even apologize. He called ME a blind idiot instead. God! I could have punched him, but he looked so much like you even through the haze of anger that i couldn't bring myself to. Same blue eyes and same blond hair and same crooked teeth. I swear nobody have managed to incite such rightful indignation in me ever since you died, and this lordly privileged bastard.....”_

Arthur could literally hear the gears turning in Merlin’s head!

_“Oh my GOD, THAT WAS YOU WASN'T IT...."_

He knew it! Merlin was just being the dense slugbrained fool as usual. Nothing new in that. Sipping his coffee he waited.

Ten minutes later the door of the cafe slammed open and Merlin stumbled inside. He looked out of breath, like he had ran all the way. He was also looking straight at Arthur. Slowly, Arthur rose up from his seat to stand up, and Merlin slowly stepped closer, keeping eye contact, as though Arthur would vanish if he blinked.

A finger poked into his rib cage.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"Arthur?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Yes its me."

"Arthur? You are Arthur? Arthur Pendragon!" Merlin sounded lost, so Arthur took his hand into his.

"Yes i am Arthur... Your Arthur."

"My Arthur"

"Yes."

Merlin snatched his hand back, balled it up and punched him in the chest!

“What?” Arthur was shocked!

Another punch hit him in the ribs, and then another, until Arthur raised his hand and gripped Merlin’s wrist tightly.

“Let me go you bastard” Merlin said, and Arthur did.

Next second his arms were around him, choking him with surprising strength, but he didn't mind. He clung to Merlin just as tightly.

"You’re back” Merlin said after what felt like hours,his voice wet, his grip loosened and it felt like Merlin had lost all the fight he had in him.

"Merlin..."

"I waited...i waited for so long...i waited." He was openly crying now.

"I know Merlin, I know..."

"I am sorry, Oh God i am so sorry for letting you die. I am sorry." Merlin was babbling between sobs.

"It's okay, shhh, its okay." Arthur rubbed his back, trying to sooth him.

He knew they were causing a scene, so he slowly pushed Merlin away, which only made him cling harder.

"Hey...I am not going anywhere, lets just get out of here okay? We can go to my place. Let go Merlin..."

Slowly, Merlin untangled his hands from back of Arthur's coat, and let him drag him to the car. As Arthur drove towards his house- one handed because Merlin had refused to relinquish his hold on the other hand- Arthur knew that there were a lot of things they had to talk about . But he couldn't bring himself to care about them right now, with Merlin sitting right beside him,their fingers entwined together.They had beat all the odds, waited longer than anyone could even count; and now that they were together, the rest of the world could burn, it could be the freaking apocalypse,but  Arthur just didn't give a damn.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not that happy with this chapter, i dunno why! But well...its done! Next chapter would be the last!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they lived happily ever after...

Merlin had calmed down considerably during the drive, though he still held onto Arthur’s hand like a lifeline. When they reached the house, Arthur looked over to Merlin,

“We are here now.”

“Mhm” Merlin said absentmindedly.

“I would need my hand back, if that's alright with you” Arthur teased.

Merlin let go of the hand as if burned, and hurriedly got out of the car, his red ears giving away his blush.Once inside,the atmosphere started to get suffocatingly awkward with Merlin slowly and quietly following wherever Arthur led him, that is until they reached the living room with a 100 inch wall TV. Merlin’s stifled snicker couldn’t be mistaken for anything else.

“Anything funny Merlin?”

“No! Just some things never change.”  
“Like?”

“Like your tendency to show off”

“When you have money to afford luxuries, it doesn’t make sense not to exploit it, peabrain”

“I am sure your eyesight will thank you in ten years!”  
“Shut up Merlin!”

“Whatever you say, Your Majesty”

“Sit down while i make you tea”

“You know how to make tea! Wonders never cease”

“What did i say about shutting up? You are still as ditzy as you ever were”

This was easy, this was familiar, Arthur thought while he put water on for boiling. Talking about nothing at all with Merlin seemed to ease a knot of tension inside him that he never realized existed. He quickly and efficiently set the tray, got some biscuits out of the cabinet, and was pouring tea when the realization hit him: _Merlin was sitting on his couch!_

Suddenly feeling unbalanced, he had to grip the counter and take deep calming breaths. So what if Merlin was in his living room? So what if he waited for him for more than a thousand years? so what if Arthur was more than a little bit in love with him? So what? He was still Merlin! Wasn’t he? It would be definitely be alright, probably… maybe!

He entered the living room with tea, more nervous than he was before he left for making it. Merlin was standing in front of the wall on the left-the one with the framed photographs from Arthur’s childhood, graduation, and various parties and trips- staring intently at the pictures, as if shocked. Oh right!The others! Gwaine, Lance, Morgana, Uther and everyone else: Merlin probably didn’t know they were here too.

Setting the tray on a table, he went to stand behind Merlin, and said quietly,

“Yeah, they are back too. My therapists had a field day when i told them my father was the great King of Camelot.”

Merlin startled, and then turned back to look at Arthur. There was amusement in his eyes, but also vulnerability, and hope.

“You remember everything then?”

“Well i do remember you were the most terribly incompetent manservant ever!”

“Like master like servant, they say”

“Getting cheeky aren’t you?”

“Well i did have a thousand years to hone my witty comeback skills”

“I guess it makes sense that you would need a thousand years to reach my level”

“Oye!I am centuries old sorcerer, you should talk to me with respect!” Merlin glared, though there was no heat behind the words.

“Come drink your tea before it gets cold ,Grandpa!”

During tea, Merlin seemed fidgety. He opened his mouth thrice to ask something, and then changed his mind. Arthur, who was initially planning to wait for him to gather the courage, eventually got tired of the nagging curiosity.

“Spit it out before you give yourself a headache!”

“How did you find out?” Merlin blurted, like he couldn’t stop himself now that he had permission to ask.

“Find out about my past princely life? Dreams!”

“Dreams?” He asks incredulously.

“Yeah! Dreams. A bit anti climactic really”

“What about the others? Do they remember?”  
“Gwaine said something about having weird dreams, but i am not sure if anyone else have any idea what they were in their past lives”

“Huh”

Merlin gets quiet for a while. Then he says, in barely a whisper,

“I am sorry about before, in the cafe!”

“Sorry for what?”

“The hugging and the crying, I know you don’t like such things. It was inappropriate!”

Arthur is confused for a second and then... _Oh_! Merlin didn’t know Arthur got all his letters. He thought all Arthur remembered was their past lives, and in those, Merlin hugging him might have been Arthur’s wet dream, but it was never a more than that! Arthur had been living in a world where the knowledge of Merlin’s love for him had been as real as breathing for so long, that he had forgotten what it felt like to live without it!

“I have to make a confession Merlin.”

“Yeah? What?”

“I was 13 when i started getting dreams of my past, they eased up in a couple of years, but by the time i turned 18, i started getting dreams again, different kind of dreams” He gave Merlin a meaningful look, but he continued to stare at him uncomprehendingly.

“In the dreams, i was sitting under a tree, near a lake” Merlin’s eyes started widening in understanding, “ And a letter would appear on the surface of river” Merlin gasped.” I can’t even count how many of those letters arrived, thousands and thousands of them.”

“Shit” Merlin whispered from between the fingers of the hand he had clapped on his mouth.

“And i read every single one of them…”

“Arthur…”

“So i know. I know everything. And i want you to know that i love you too”

Suddenly Merlin stood up, and instead of happy and ecstatic like Arthur expected him to be, he looked like a mixture of anger, misery, and hatred!

“Don’t say that! Don’t you dare say that!”

“But…”  
“What would you even know! You have been fed the story of a sorry old soul, and his heartbreak and his pathetic one sided crush ever since you could think for yourself! OF COURSE you fancy yourself in love with me!” Arthur realized that the hatred in Merlin’s eyes was not for Arthur, but for himself.

“That’s not it ..”  
“Then what is it? Didn’t you feel sorry for the poor sod who waited for you for a thousand years? Didn’t you convince yourself that the least you could do in reward for his patience and dedication would be to love him back? Did you not grow up on letters of -Oh God!- LOVE LETTERS written to you!” Merlin voice was still full of venom, but it was all directed towards himself, and it made Arthur hurt even more.

“You were just a child, and i….Oh God! I am so sorry!” His voice a horrified whisper now.

“You are getting it all wrong Merlin! STOP IT!”

“I am sorry Arthur, but i need some space! I need to leave” Merlin started towards the door.

Blind with panic, and with the voice screaming inside his head saying “You're gonna lose him again, lose him, lose him” , Arthur reacted before he could think better, and grasped Merlin’s wrist.

“Please don’t go! Don’t leave me again.”   
Something in his voice must have reached out to Merlin because he paused, and looked back at Arthur’s face searchingly. Whatever he was looking for,he found it because he sighed, and then slumped his shoulder.

“I need space to think Arthur, please!”

“You can go to my room. I swear i won’t disturb you. Just please don’t go! Please…” His voice broke on the last word, and that seemingly broke all of Merlin’s restraint as well.

“Okay… Okay”

 

* * *

 

Arthur is sitting in the living room, looking at TV but not really watching, his mind wandering centuries away, quite literally. Merlin had barricaded himself in Arthur’s room for all of morning, and it was late evening now but there was still no word from Merlin. Arthur had cooked lunch but Merlin had not responded to any number of knocks on his door.

Giving up, Arthur goes to the door, and sits down with his back next to it. He figures Merlin had spoken to him for centuries, now it was his time.

“You there Merlin?”

No reply comes.

“I was dead, but i was not really dead you know? I was in heaven, or wherever it is that lake was, but i could still think, i could still feel… i could still miss you.”

There’s still no response from the other side of the door so Arthur goes on.

“When your first letter came, it was like a ray of hope, a connection with my best friend. I lived for those letters, and also died a little bit with them. You kept sending them, but i had no way of responding to you. You have no idea how much i hated your magic at that moment, and envied it. And while reading those letters i realized something that i had known all along, that i loved you. I loved you the way i had never loved Guinevere. I loved you the way a person should be loved.I loved you, and still do.

“You may think that I am merely 23 years old boy compared to you being millenia old, but Merlin, i wasn’t dead. I was waiting too. Right now maybe i have just memories of that time i waited; and waited and waited, and then waited some more, keeping track of time just by your letters. But i lived those years as well. This body is new, but i am not. I am the same Arthur that you have saved a million times over, whose back you’ve washed and whose wounds you have cleaned. The Arthur you have helped dress in metal for war, and helped undress for the night. I am the same Arthur you have loved, and written letters to.

I have written to you as well, so so many times. Hundreds of letters,throwing them in water, willing them to reach you. But they never did i guess. Fucking magic!”

Arthur paused again, but there was no sound of movement on the other side. Merlin may very well be sleeping, but now that Arthur had started talking, he couldn’t seem to stop.

“Why can’t you believe me that i know what i am talking about. That i mean it when i say i love you. I am not a little boy, whose entire life has been traumatized by ramblings of an old wizard about how much he loved him. I have had centuries to understand my feelings as well. I know Merlin. I know!”

He sat with his head inside his knees, thats why he didn’t get a chance to steady himself when the door opened, and he tumbled back, landing on his side in an awkward sprawl.

Righting himself he looked up, to find nothing. Merlin wasn’t standing by the door. Right! Wizard! He looked around to find Merlin sitting in a far corner, his posture much like Arthur’s was moments ago.

“You’re a self obsessed prat!” Merlin sniffled. His voice was rough, like he had been crying for hours.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! Why couldn’t you tell me you loved me while you were alive!”

“I am alive now aren’t i?”  
“Yeah! Yeah you are” There was wonder in Merlin’s voice.

He got up from the floor and came towards Arthur. As if on cue the lights turned on. Merlin drew closer and started staring at Arthur’s face. Slowly, hesitantly, as if afraid Arthur might vanish from sight- or maybe he was just giving Arthur time to back away if he wanted- he raised his hand and cupped Arthur’s face. He carefully caressed his cheek, featherlight, and started at him in awe.

“Your eyes! In a thousand years, i have never seen eyes like yours”

“Not even of that guy in the bar who looked like me?” Jealousy burned dark and ugly inside of Arthur.

“Prat!” Merlin said fondly, “Only you can be jealous of someone i fucked centuries ago”

“Who said i am jealous?” Arthur protested.

“You're not?” An eyebrow raised in challenge.

“Yeah! Yeah i am! You have no idea” He just didn’t see the point of keeping up the false bravado.

“You don’t have to be! He wasn’t you”

“So you said” Oh God! Please don’t let him be pouting! Please.

“Arthur?”

“Mhm?” Arthur looked up at the question, and found Merlin’s eyes close, impossibly, breathtakingly close.

“Shut up” He said, before bending forward to brush his lips against Arthur’s.

Arthur had kissed so many people before that he had lost count, both in this life and the previous one, but it did not prepare him for what kissing Merlin would be like. The first whisper of a touch, barely there brushing of the lips,felt like an electric shock to Arthur’s system, and his hands raised of their own accord to tangle in Merlin’s hair. He only had a very very small part of his brain to spare for appreciating how soft Merlin’s hair were, the rest of his brain was busy in bringing him forward and pressing his lips against Merlin’s, harder this time, the touch more pronounced. It did nothing to lessen the yearning inside Arthur’s soul, so he pressed again and again, opened his mouth to take Merlin’s lower lip in between his, sucking it softly. Merlin’s moan only proceeded to make the vast black hole inside of Arthur’s chest expand, and this time he bit on the lip, to hear Merlin gasp. Soon the kiss turned from chaste and barely there to desperate and needy.

At the first brush of Merlin’s tongue against Arthur’s lips, he felt like his knees would give out. After that it was all tangling of tongues, and invading each other’s mouths, exploring each and every corner of it; it was breathless moans and choked off gasps swallowed by the other. It was whimpers and needy clutching of the shoulders and refusal to come up for air until their lungs screamed for it.

Finally Arthur moved a little back, to give himself some room to breath, but Merlin looked so lost, and his mouth looked red and bitten and absolutely ravishing that he couldn’t stop himself for diving back in with a whimper of

“Oh God Merlin! Your mouth!”

Next time when Arthur came up for air, instead of backing away he buried his face in Merlin’s neck, kissing the junction of shoulder and neck, and then licking it, relishing in the taste that was just Merlin! He kissed his way up his neck, to the angle of the jaw, to the ear. Merlin keened when Arthur bit on his earlobe, so Arthur did it again. He followed the path to Merlin’s cheeks and kissed those cheekbones he had so often dreamed about, kissed his eyes and his nose, and then he pressed their foreheads together, his lips tantalizingly close to Merlin’s and looked him in the eyes.

“Please tell me you are ready! Please tell me you’re sure!”

Merlin’s eyes darted from Arthur’s eyes to his lips and then back to his eyes. His expression was one of open want, but Arthur had to make sure.

“You ass! I have been waiting a millenia for this! Of course i am sure”  
“Yeah!” A shit eating grin appeared on Arthur’s face.

“Yeah YEAH! Get on with it you fucking tease”

“As you say, my lord” Arthur said in mock imitation of the times when Merlin had called him that.

Before Merlin could respond, Arthur was kissing him again. They kissed until they couldn’t kiss anymore, until their lips were sore and sensitive, then they parted only to remove their clothes layer by layer. It took a ridiculously long time because neither of them could wait for longer than a millisecond before touching the other, kissing whatever skin they could find, caressing every curve of the each other’s body, learning all the angles.

They ended up in bed, naked, hands roaming everywhere, lips hungry for any and every piece of skin visible. When Merlin asked Arthur to get a move on, Arthur detached himself for a while to get lube and condom from the nightstand.

When he came back Merlin was shivering, looking panic stricken, so Arthur draped himself over him, rubbing his back soothingly.

“Don’t leave me!” Merlin whispered.

“I am not going anywhere!I am here yeah? I am here!”

It took a while to calm Merlin down, and Arthur spent that time kissing Merlin wherever he could, whispering sweet endearments into his skin. When Merlin started moaning and squirming again, Arthur looked up into his eyes, and smirked.

“Ready?”

“Yeah!” He said, suddenly shy.

He wasn’t shy when Arthur’s fingers opened him up, when they rubbed insistently against his prostate while he sucked on the tip of his cock. He wasn’t the least bit shy when Arthur entered him, his insides clutching at him, unwilling to let him go. He moaned and writhed and screamed Arthur’s name over and over again, interspersed with the demands for more, harder, faster! When he came, he came with a choked off whimper of “I love you!” and that was what finally tipped Arthur over too.

Collapsing into bed, Arthur pulled out, took off the condom and tied it, throwing it across the room. He didn’t even bother cleaning Merlin up as neither of them had any energy left to even move. He never expected himself to be the little spoon but when Merlin curled around him, his arms going around his waist, he decided that this was where he belonged.

 

* * *

First time Arthur woke up, it was due to his bladder demanding attention and his throat being absolutely parched. Loathe as he was to disentangle himself from Merlin,the need to pee won over, and he slowly unwrapped Merlin’s hands from around his waist. Careful not to jostle the bed too much as to not wake him, he slid out of bed, to the washroom.

 

When he came out, he found out that Merlin had woken up, and was panicking.

“Arthur…” He called, sounding distraught.

“I am here...just went to the loo.” He got back into the bed, and Merlin wrapped his arms around him again.

“Oh Thank God! I thought it was all a dream”

“I am here Merlin,” he said for what felt like a thousandth times, but Merlin needed the reassurance, and he wondered how many times Merlin had woken up in the middle of the night, dreaming of Arthur, only to realize that it wasn’t real.

“Don’t leave” He whispered.

And Arthur decided that he didn’t really need to drink water all that much.

 

* * *

 

Next time Arthur woke up, it was to find his bed empty. Groggily looking up, he found Merlin sitting on a table,sipping coffee and reading something.

“Morning” He mumbled.

“Morning…There’s coffee on your bedside table”

“Right, the one thing you love more than me” He said moodily but Merlin just grinned, and continued to pore over the sheets of papers.

“What are you reading?”

“Nothing of significance” There it was, the mischief in his voice that made Arthur hopelessly curious.

Getting out of bed, he stumbled towards to table, looking at the different array of papers, of all types. Realization slowly dawned on him…

“These….these are…”

“The letters you wrote to me? Yeah!” Merlin said, his voice awfully amused.

“You can’t read those! You weren’t meant to read them!”

“And now you know what it feels like…”  
“Give them back…” Arthur lunged forward but the pages just slid out of his range. He made another move for them, but they simply moved away.

“Merlin….”

“Ah! There it is! So you think my cheekbones are beautiful eh? And my smile mesmerizing!?” His voice was so smug that Arthur wanted to punch him.

“I do no such thing, these were written in a vulnerable moment”

Merlin rifled through the pages, looking for something, and finally pulled out a page.

“Here! This is the one where you apologize for calling me terrible servant! I think i will have this one framed. For future!”

“Give them back,” Arthur made a move to snatch the paper again.

“What do we have here,” Merlin bent forward to pick another paper, prepared to make Arthur even more flustered, and stopped short.

Arthur slowly came up behind him to read what was written on it, but he already had an idea what it said.

“I love you” It said, “I love you , i love you, i love you” and so on, the word scribbled into the margins and written between the lines, dozens of times, until the entire page was filled with it.

Slowly wrapping his arms around Merlin, he kissed his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

“I really do you know! I love you!”

Merlin visibly shivered,either because of his confession, or by the feeling of Arthur’s breath tickling his ears.

“So” Arthur said, “What are we going to do about me being born again, once and future king, and all that destiny shtick”

Merlin tensed at that… and arthur almost wished he had never said anything

“I suppose we should go find Kilgharrah, and ask him about it” Merlin says, thoughtfully.

“But?” Because Arthur could definitely hear a but in there somewhere.

“But…” Merlin turns into Arthur’s arms, and looked at his face grinning, “Destiny has been waiting for a thousand years! I guess it can wait a little longer.”

With that Merlin bent forward and captured Arthur’s lips in a searing kiss, uncaring about meaningless things like morning breath, and breakfast, and destiny.

Arthur was only too happy to oblige!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ended! It was one of the most amazing things i have ever done! And something i never thought i would be able to do! I know its not perfect...but i am happy with it! I would be even happier if you guys leave a comment about it! Because i am like a very beginner in writing, so all criticism is welcome and very much appreciated really!


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